Expectations

I went to the hospital early on September 21st, thinking that I would have a smooth delivery...after all, it was my fifth, right?  I had it all planned out, every detail.  I had done this before:  everything in order at home, my mom flying in the night before, pantry and fridge stocked, house clean, toe nails painted, People magazine stashed in my suitcase, tiny pre-made bows ready, make up bag handy for a stellar "after" picture with the baby.  :)  Well, about 10:30 a.m. I signed a bunch of paperwork releasing the hospital from any liability regarding my epidural.  Soon after, everything went crazy.  I warned the nurse anesthetist that my epidural might be tricky.  Both with Ryan and Lydia, they had to try twice to get the epidural in.  Nothing could be as bad as that, right?...wrong.  The procedure that should have taken five minutes, took an hour.  They tried to seat the epidural four times until finally, when I felt to sharp shooting pains down my legs, I knew something was wrong.  It didn't help that the guy supposed to be in control seemed frantic and started saying, "oh, no.  I'm so sorry.  I'm so sorry."  Mike was terrified and I was in immediate pain in my head, neck and shoulders.  He had punctured the dura (where the spinal fluid is) and actually zinged me in the spinal chord.  That is when he called for help.  Enter real anesthesiologist...epidural seated...and done, but it was too late for what my recovery would look like.  (And should I mention here that the epidural never quite worked all of the way?).  Thanks to the pain meds they pumped into my IV, I labored the rest of the time in and out of sleep, laying flat.  That is, until they set me up to push.  (That is when the spinal headaches are unbearable because the spinal fluid leaks out of the puncture).  I've never felt pain like that.  I hope I never have to feel pain like that again.  

And then she was here.

Ruby Lyn Dildine was born at 2:36 p.m. and was 7 lbs. 6 oz.

She came out crying, but soon after was calm, just taking in her surroundings.

This was after they moved me to the recovery room, on a gurney, laying flat.  I could not walk yet, nor could I sit up.  Don't I look like I have been through a war?  Yah, at that point I didn't care so much about my glamourous "after" picture.  The doctors explained that I was not a good candidate for the miracle Blood Patch that could take away all of my pain almost immediately.  So, weighing our options Mike and I decided that we would wait out the spinal headache and deal with a tough recovery...anywhere from five days to five weeks.

My mom brought the kids down to see me and Ruby.  After such an emotional and traumatizing day, I was so glad to see them and get hugs from each of them.  I was worried for them to see me in such bad shape but I think my mom prepped them pretty well.

These older two boys have been so great with the baby.  It is so nice to have an extra couple pair of hands.

Ryan loves Ruby.  He likes to go up to her and say, "a-booga-booga-booga!"

The proud big sister.  Lydia has some trouble saying her R's, so when she talks about baby Ruby it sounds like:  baby woovey.  :)  Everywhere we go Lydia refers to Ruby as "MY baby."  

Normally, I would have gotten a picture with all of the kids and me.  I soon learned that this time around I would have to let go of my expectations.  I never did read that People Magazine, we didn't get a "first bath picture" of Ruby in the hospital, nor did she get to use any of those pre-made bows.  I even planned on having all of these pictures Blogged and Facebooked that very evening.  But the truth is, I couldn't feed myself, walk or barely hold my own baby.  We definitely had other things to worry about, and I wasn't expecting that.  I had to start focusing on what was REALLY important.  What was important was that I get feeling better and that Ruby made it here safe and sound.